The Practice of Transparent Communication
/"...maturity is recognized through a disciplined refusal to choose between or isolate three powerful dynamics shaping human identity: what has already happened, what is happening now and what is about ...to occur... " David Whyte
How do we learn how to hold the past and the future in the present moment? What is it like to be felt, held and witnessed in those moments? That is what I am coming to learn through the practice of Transparent Communication. I cannot really explain how it works, I can only share my experience it. I am blessed and grateful to be studying with Thomas Huebl and the Academy of Inner Science
ESSENTIAL MOMENTS: Waiting for the “cut”
I am sitting here this morning looking at the drawing I taped above my desk. It is a drawing of a flower petal exercise I experienced as a part of a Thomas Huebl US Practice Group Leader Training. It was held at the Institute of Noetic Science (IONS) in Petaluma California. They are having a conference next week and it is not too late to join in the fun! Such beautiful land, incredibly caring people. and an exploration of a path to BEING love in action.
I am re-membering the exercise, looking at a bunch of words I had written on the paper. My eyes fall on the word unworthy. Immediately, my heart sinks, I feel the hot flame of shame rumble up from my belly and scorch my throat. Instead of turning away, I am curious about this unworthy one and I stop pushing that one away. I think about what this means to me and begin to understand the phrase, “Whatever is the most personal, is also the most universal.” Everyone has feelings of unworthiness at some point. To me, it is a matter of varying intensity. When the intensity is titrated properly, it can be felt and digested without overwhelming the nervous system. Areas that do not have the support to be felt will be numbed out in some way in an effort to preserve the “system.”
As I sit, I remember my breath and stay with the sick feeling of unworthiness in the pit of my stomach. The flame in my throat begins to recede. It is weird to me how this just happens. I follow the heat downwards and touch the emotional energy trapped in my pelvic bowl. I feel the depth and weight of the emotion of grief stored there. I re-member after the flower petal exercise, I got together with two of my classmates to talk with each other. In the Academy of Inner Science work, it is called it a triad.
In the triad we experimented with one another using the specific practice we are learning called Transparent Communication. During one of my triad partners time to share, she said, “I don’t usually cry in front of people because once I start crying, I am afraid I won’t stop.” I re-member how my mother used to say that same sentence. As I look into my classmates’ eyes, my heart floods with compassion and she is both herself and my mother. I say a silent prayer for them both. When it is time for feedback, I ask her if I can take a risk and share something and then say a phrase. She says yes.
I say, “My mother’s life experience is much like yours and she would say that frequently. My greatest fear is she died without knowing self-forgiveness. When I tell you that, I feel a lot of grief starting to come up in me.” Tears stung my eyes and I felt a lump in my throat.
The words, ‘Forgive Yourself’ come into my awareness. I feel fear in my gut and I tap into my heart. I feel shaky. I take a breath, I hear a whisper in my head saying, ‘Take a Risk’. I say, “Yes.” Tears well up in my eyes and I say, “Forgive yourself.” She starts to cry.
I, along with another classmate, just sit with her and energetically hold her in her tears in silence. She talks about her fears of not ever being able to stop crying. I feel disorientation and confusion. Is it my mother that I am feeling, my classmate, or myself? Maybe all of them? The confusion settles and clears and I continue to hold the connection with my other classmates, and together we meet in “the space between us” and her tears subside. We fall into silence.
The energy settles in the silence and our breath falls into a synchronistic rhythm within it. The exercise is over, and we all express that we feel more space inside our bodies, and we share a sense of connection, love, and peace that feels very healing.
I am back in my room now in Oakland (even though I never left) and I can feel the unworthy one relaxing as I take a deep breath and sink deeper into my body with a little smile and an AHHHH.
Namaste
